Don't Ask Me I Am Only A Pastor

Rachel Ray's "$40-a-Day" Canceled

2007-08-28T21:30:00.000-07:00

The Food Network announced today that Rachel Ray's television show "$40-a-Day" has been canceled. Although the show was popular with both audiences and sponsors, the Food Network decided to pulled the plug due to the realization that eating three meals a day on a budget of $40 was not as hard as Ray made it to be. Stan Johnstone, Vice-President of programming, was shocked when he learned that must people in the world get by with less than $40 a day. "Well, I live in New York [City] where a standard dinner is well over $40, so I was impressed when Rachel was pitching an idea where she only received $40 a day. I remember thinking that she must be on a diet or something."

When asked where he learned of the world's plight to have to dine on less than $40 a day he quickly replied, "I was watching some TV late one night when I saw a commercial filled with poor people. Then an older gentlemen began to reveal that many people are starving and that the price of a cup of coffee a day could feed a little girl. At the same time this small amount of change could send her to school and provide health care. Now that would be a great show!"

Mr. Johnstone acknowledged that Rachel Ray will still retain her "30 Minute Meals" show even though Johnstone recently discovered that millions of restaurants who advertise that "they prepare meals while you wait in your car in a few minutes." Ms. Ray was unavailable for comment.

Fox Broadcasting has announced that they are in the works of a new reality show called "$40-a-Month" where single mothers on welfare compete for extra income to feed and shelter their families.

New Blog

2007-08-27T21:19:00.000-07:00

Well I have not blogged in a long time. No excuses. No worries. I have been debating on whether to continue to blog or not. Blogging takes time and energy and I did not know if I wanted to spend those assets on blogging. However, I have decided to change this blog into a satire site of sorts with the hopes of producing a couple of posts every week. At the same time I have decided to create a more serious blog that deals with the issue and concerns that I have in life. Check it out at http://ghettopastor.blogspot.com/

WTF?

2007-04-21T22:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, ok, my sabatical was longer than I thought it would be... so what. Anyways, I just got back home from a 2-day spiritual retreat with my church. It was awesome! The goal of this retreat is to remove the baggage that hinders us from becoming the people that God desires for us to be. It was a powerful time of honesty and healing as people's lives were changed for the better. It is moments like these that affirm my decision to join the clergy. It saddens me to see people who are suffering because they feel that they are unloveable. However it is amazing to see people transform and realize that God loves them and wants the best for them. I know that some people might frown on the idea that I believe that organized religion is the answer to peoples problems. However I feel that the problems that people have with religion lies in the fact that religion can often times be practiced in a disorganized manner that seeks to benefit the few. Even AA and NA acknowledge the "higher power" as a necesary revelation one must accept in order to change. I might seem arogant because I lable this "higher power" in a specific name. But is it not as arogant to claim that there is no "higher power?" The truth is, I do not care. I believe what I believe because I believe it. Is it always logical? No. Is it always easy? No. But at the end of the day I can sometimes sleep at night feeling assured that my life is making a positive impact on the lives of others. My goal is to be a loving person as much as possible. Do I fail? Yes. Do I fail big time? Yes. But it is all worth it when someone thanks me for what I mean in their life. I know that is a bold statement, yet I feel that it should be the goal of every person to be a blessing to at least one person.

On Sabatical

2007-03-13T11:43:00.000-07:00

I have taken a sabatical from bloging to refresh my mind and make this blog everything that I desire for it to be. I will be back next week.
Pastor Stew

Valentine's Day... On A Shoestring Budget

2007-02-12T21:07:00.000-08:00

Well, unless you live under a rock or are in dire need of a television, everyone knows that V-Day is a couple days away. Even though VD can lead to uncomfortable feelings such as vomiting, itchy rash as well as long term debt, the simple truth is that one can simply say the three magic words without denting the bank account. Ladies it is simple... SEX. It's free and we like it. All Ladies should stop reading at this point.

However, for the sucker... er... male, the challenge is ever present. With the cost of a dozen roses fetching at least 50 bucks, not to mention the $5 dollar card, $100 dinner and the $20 heart-shaped box of chocolates. That's about $200 dollars and we have not even thought about a present. How is a fella to survive? Well here is a sure fire method on how to show the romance without shelling out the cash.

First off, forget the roses. What a waste of money! All they do is die (by the way this is a great line to drop to her, "Honey, I did not get you roses because I wanted the symbol of our love to be something that never dies"). In fact drop everything that is traditional. Tradition = $$$$, remember that.

OK, this is how we are going to do this. The theme for this year is going to focus on the cheap puppy dog love of childhood. First assure your lady friend that you have VD all taken care of. Tell her that it is going to be a special day (and since you are saving cash it is very special). Now you have to spring into action. You will need the following items in order to pull this off.

Equipment:

Kids Valentine's Cards - We all had these as kids. These are the cheesy Scooby-Do/G.I. Joe cards that had crappy sayings like "I like you more than a scooby snack." Anyways, a box of 20 of these gems are waiting at any store for about a buck. You could give your date 20 cards for cheaper than any Hallmark. If you happen to have access to a younger cousin, sibling or a niece/nephew then you can "borrow" one for free.

Sweethearts Candy - Again you can find these almost anywhere and they are cheap. What is even better, you can open the box and spread the wealth throughout the entire day by placing a few here and there.

One Package of Lifesavers - I'll explain latter. Let's just say that it adds that certain sparkle to the evening.

One Shoelace - See above.

A Clump of Dandelions - Cheap flowers... FREE flowers. Include at least one puff ball in the "arrangement."

Two Happy Meals - Ok, I know, but we have to splurge somewhere. If you can't handle the $5 dollars then you probably do not have a date for Valentine's Day anyway.

The Plan:

Well looking at the calendar, you only have a day. Fortunately most of the equipment can be found in one place so that makes it even easier. You first objective is to drop as many hints as possible the day before about how special Valentine's Day is and how you cannot wait to surprise her with the day you have planed... for at least a month. That way she will think that you took effort into this day and will guarantee you at least some form of sympathy if she was expecting Lobster and Diamonds. Make sure to stick with the theme of reminding her about how your relationship reminds you of puppy love and how when you are with her you feel like a kid because you still get goose bumps when you see her or that your stomach cramps up with butterflies, crap like that.

Step One - Take one of your Valentine's cards and write the introduction that will set up the day's theme. Make sure to throw in the idea that you wished you met in kindergarten or something like that (if you actually did... bonus!). Sweeten the deal with some of those Sweethearts. Make sure to try at least one to make sure they are not poison!

Step Two - Write old cliches on the remaining cards and place them in the provided envelopes with candy. Label the cards with various "pet names" that you have with your lady, like "honeybuns." Place these in various locations that she will see them through out the day. If you can sneak a few in at her work that will be great because then she can show of how creative you are to her co-workers for added points.

Step Three - Take the shoelace and string it through a Lifesaver. Make sure to pick the color that you think she will like best. This serves three purposes. One, this is a play on an old commercial that we grew up with which helps on the nostalgia aspect. Two, the popular jewelry piece this year is the diamond circle pendant so she will think that you are up with what is hot. Three, girls have a psychological condition that every circle she sees brings up the notion of ring. Ring = (insert what ever you desire).

Step Four - Pull out of ground fresh dandelions. Kids think dandelions are flowers and let's face it, so do guys.

Step Five - Pick up dinner. You don't even have to leave your car! Make sure that you give her the best toy. Can you say free toy?!?

Step Six - Present "gifts."

Step Seven - Come and get it! WINK ;)

I hope this helps you guys out there to save some cash this year. The cheapest option is to dump her for a day and then "realize" that you can't live without her or pretend to be sick but these can backfire in your face so play it cool.

Don't Worry

2007-02-11T16:29:00.000-08:00

I have tried to blog several times these last few weeks but have had people ask me to do things for them as soon as I begin. I plan on blogging at least thrice next week.

Things I Contemplate While Hacking Up a Lung

2007-01-24T10:22:00.000-08:00

I have never seen an episode of American Idol
I finally played my XBox360 for the first time since Thanksgiving
Disney Land is truly the place to find sluts
Seeing an embarrassing dad with a video camera is funny, seeing a black man do it is freaking hilarious. Proving once again that black people are genetically funnier than white people
It is 1,000 times easier to find crack than it is a Nintendo Wii
Dietrich weighs 15lbs 13 ozs and yet he is a very little guy... like me
Growing a beard does not make you look younger
Would Christianity have made it so far if Jesus rocked a Fumanchu?
My son only cries when he leaves daycare
Fillet Mignon and Lobster is a good Birthday dinner... especially when it was free!
Thanks to Sarah, I just bought a two pack of Old Spice deodorant
Chicago in June looks like a reality
I am glad the president mentioned to human suffering in the Sudan as well as my adoptive country of Burma. Too bad he ain't gonna do crap about it!
Senator Webb is a classy man
Stay Classy Everyone

Twenty-Seven is the New Twenty-Six

2007-01-17T13:09:00.000-08:00

Today I turn 27 years old. Although birthdays are pretty cool, this one is beginning to feel like the one last year. In other words, 27 is a crappy age due to the fact that its only significance is that you are almost 30. I don't even know what I want for a present? Lets have a run down of all possible gift ideas.

After Shave - The true gift of fatherdom. Nothing says I love you like the gift of Old Spice. Personally I love the commercial where the dad buys his kids cell phones and all he gets is after shave, "Dad got hosed!"

Hair Dye - Ahh the gift of youth as the gray hairs begin to bask in the sunlight for all to see. The sad thing is that I have actually contemplated this several times in the last year. I have decided that I will just wear a hat. Now the beard and sideburns brush in gel might be something I am interested in.

Sansabelt Pants - We all gain a few pounds as we grow older and let's face it, the belt is a young mans game. Besides all I have to do is tuck in a t-shirt, or for those fancy occasions ... a polo, and I am ready to go. Also works with shorts but my birthday is a winter affair so I will stick with the pants

Birthday Cake - Some of you know that cake is not one of my favorite deserts. Normally I do not get a birthday cake due to this fact. however I think that for the good ol' 27 that it would be fitting to perhaps have a little bit of cake as a way of expressing all of the good things I have in life. Now if I could only get my wife to pop out of one!

Late Night Snack

2007-01-12T23:37:00.000-08:00

It's late, but here are some random thoughts on my mind.

Children are our future... yet they need the guidance of the past to lead them.
Buying things on iTunes is way too easy.
I would rather have gas for a year than a war in Iraq.
The real news shows on Fox News are funnier than the fake news shows on Comedy Central... mainly because they are not trying to be funny.
I find it odd when people get mad at the Pope's obvious belief that Christianity is the best religion.
I have to remind myself that seeing my shirt on the floor everyday is not deja vu... it is a case of "I am lazy."
I desire to travel to Chicago sometime in June... Hint, Hint.
Disneyland is the "Happiest Place on Earth" due to the fact that most women dress like sluts when they go there. Yeah Sluts!
Snow Flurries sound worse than they actually are (by the way it snowed in the Inland Empire this morning. Seriously, I drove to work in a mini blizzard! Nothing lasted but I have lived here most of my life and it has only snowed once before and that was when we lived in the foothills. Think of it as Los Angeles having snow).

That is all for now.

What the Heck!?!

2007-01-10T21:12:00.000-08:00

I post for the first time in three months and only my wife replies? Obviously none of you consider me the prophet that I know that I am. I hope (for your sakes) that God does not reveal to me some natural disaster for all of you would be swallowed up into a giant something or another.

About Time

2007-01-09T20:54:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, I have not blogged since October. I could lie and say I was too busy or that I was out saving the free world. The truth be told, I have no idea why I have not blogged. In fact, I have no idea why I have not done much of anything of value in about 3 months. Well, I think that I have some ideas. Personally, I have had problems with depression most of my life. I had my first nervous break down when I was 8 years old. The second one occurred when I was 14. I spent a year in counseling which helped. I believe that most of my issues stem around the need to be accepted. This need stems from the abandonment I feel from my father who has no desire to have a relationship with me. Personally I have always felt that my faith in God has helped me in establishing some sort of control because I am comforted by the fact that God always loves me.
However, since my son has been born, I have been overcome with the need for my son to love me and accept me. Do to some strange mystery of medicine, my son has no way to communicate his true feelings. Mix this with the mind numbing need that people desire to explain away any form of communication my son has with symptoms of gas or the every enlightening "speaking with the angels." Pretty much I feel like I am as useful to my son as the proverbial "tits on a bull." Of course if I had those then I could feed him without a bottle and think that I was needed. Can a man have postpartum depression? Combine this with the horrific accident of my brother in law over Thanksgiving and I think I had another breakdown (Thank God my brother-in-law is home and is on the road to recovery). I think it was hard to pin point this breakdown since I did not lose it all at once but looking back at the last few months I have been moody, and my temper has been off the hook. I know that I have been a huge jerk to my wife. The truth is I have tried to blog about this half a dozen times and every time I deleted the post before publishing. For the first time in a while I actually feel convicted to blog.
So why this revelation? This last week a couple in my church have been going through hell. They almost lost their newborn grand daughter while their daughter-in-law is currently holding on for her life. Yesterday she woke up from a comma that doctors thought would never happen. The baby is doing fine and should be home next week. While the mother is not out of the woods yet, it appears that God is working for her benefit. All of this has put things in perspective in a weird way. The big picture of life is just that... a big freaking picture. The world actually moves on with or without me. I have to hold on that my son will love me because of the love I have for him and for others and not the things I can or cannot do. I cannot heal this mother nor can I heal my brother-in-law. I cannot even heal myself of my psychological issues. However, I can yield to that fact and depend upon God. Does that mean that all evil ceases? By no means! But, I believe that I do not have to fall into the trap of asking God why bad things happen to good people. Instead the question turns to "Why the hell does anything good happen at all?" The answer, to me, has to be God. Does that make me naive? I do not think so. Does it make me dependent upon faith instead of empirical reasoning? Absolutely. That is my responsibility as a pastor. I am called to see grace in a world of sin. I do not have the luxury nor the time to question God; instead, I simply beg for His interaction. So this last week has been interesting. I have told God off a few times (fortunately He seems to have taken it like a man... er, perhaps more like an all powerful deity) and it seems that God and I have come to an agreement: I beg and then I wait. I plead and then I hope. Sure it sucks at times but when I answer the phone and hear how someone thought dead is still alive, it brings joy that cannot be dampened. Perhaps that is why God acts. Perhaps we are so weak in faith that we need reminders of the power that He has. Therefore we place God in a cosmic game to constantly prove Himself to us because we are too afraid to trust what we believe in our souls.

Pure Terror

2006-10-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

If you have been an observer of this blog you would know that there are many people who could take the crown of the scariest person on earth. Various political and religious leaders would seem to have the heads up. However, I have been bombarded with a particularly evil imagery the last few months which makes Pat Robertson look like JFK. Warning: The following image has been scary as hell by the powers that be. Those with weak stomachs and/or hearts should not proceed further.

This dude has been all over the TV. His name is John Basedow and he truly scares me. I do not know if it is because his head is way to big or the fact that he always stands at an angle. Perhaps it is the fact that it looks like he has the very worst hair piece that money could buy. Obviously the guy is in shape but he actually makes me happy to be out of shape. Usually when I see a fitness ad I am stricken with a shot of shame and guilt for the lack of a Bowflex body. This guy just might be Satan. When I see him, I feel that I need to go out and evangelize since the end times are here. He might be the famed beast of the book of Revelation. You are all warned.

On To Us a Son is Given

2006-10-14T23:47:00.000-07:00

Me: Tired, busy, sleepy
Mom: Exhausted, busy, sleepy
Baby: Excited, hungry, sleepy

I Must Be the Least Patriotic Person in America

2006-09-11T21:49:00.000-07:00

So today is the 5 year anniversary of the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. It is also the first Monday Night Football game of the season. In fact the anniversary happens to fall on a day that I can watch two football games as well as wrestling. So I spent all day focusing on football, like a good American and did not see jack squat on 9/11 stuff. I have no desire to support a government in which they rehash a horrible event every year in order to distract the public from the fact that we are paying too much for gas or that there are millions without health care and our children have a sub-standard education. But at least homosexuals can't marry and potential life saving stem cell research is banned. What? All of those laws were already in effect during the Clinton administration? Mr. Bush has not introduced any meaningful changes to our country besides a culture of fear and Gestapo tactics. And I thought I was a bad American. Well, I did refuse to buy popcorn from the Boy Scouts. Until the American people open their eyes and see what is going on, I will continue to fly the Tongan flag (at half mast since the death of their beloved king this past week).

My Hero, My Cult

2006-08-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

This week is a difficult one for me. As most of you know, my hero, Warren Steed Jeffs, was arrested this week. Mr. Jeffs is the greatest cult leader of all time. Sure David Koresh and Jim Jones went down in a blaze of glory with mass suicide/murder but how many cult leaders can live the true dream of having 40 wives and 60 some odd children? The best part about Mr. Jeffs is that in the midst of a polygamy, statutory rape and underage marriage he still found time to promote Republican politics. I for one find it comforting that such Godly people such as Mr. Jeffs support the family value, Right-Wing party that currently lifts our country to one of the highest levels of bigotry, ignorance and classism we have ever witnessed. My question for you to discuss is why are there little or no Liberal cult leaders out there? I guess it is my job to start a cult where we support the freedom of moral decision, social justice, equality and peace. I guess I could travel the country recruiting young families to support my cause as we attempt to form our own little kingdom separate from the world and at the same time in this world. That would be totally cool. I think I could get about a billion people to join. I am going to start this right now. What? You mean this Liberal cult already exists? Who? Jesus started this cult 2,000 years ago? Crap! Jesus ruins everything!

Point - Counter Point: Immigration

2006-08-08T22:19:00.000-07:00

Immigrating to This Country Was the Most Difficult Thing I Have Ever Done.
By Julio Fernandez

Well, they say the third time is the charm. Perhaps it was the small trailer that 57 of us crammed into for $1,000 a piece, or the smell our refuse as we traveled non-stop for three days, but the third time was rather forgettable seeing that we got caught a mile or so past the boarder. Now the 8th time was truly a pleasant experience as my wife and three children finally made it across into this terrific country of opportunity. Sure it was difficult living in an apartment with two other families as I tried to find what ever work I could. My family did small jobs while I worked as many hours as I could for a few dollars a week. The money that my wife brought in from collecting cans and bottles afforded us the finer things in life like shoes. Eventually I have caught on working for a contractor who pays us about $7 an hour with no insurance or benefits of any kind, but it is work. Since we lived in the fields of my country, far from any hospitals, my children did not have the benefit of having birth certificates so they could not receive health care or education back home. Here they get to go to school and my hope is that they will have a better life than I when it is all said and done. Sure it was hard work to get here but it was worth the hiding in the desert, the miles of walking and the dark nights thinking that we were not going to make it. I guess when one has nothing to lose and only hope in their hearts they can do the impossible.

Immigrating to This Country Was the Easiest Thing I Ever Did.
By Seamus MacDonald
When I came her in '28 I was still just a wee lad. I remember it like it was yesterday. Pa came home and told us that we were moving to America. This was joyous news as we had already sent off Uncle Paul and his family two years before. I remember the excitement when Ma opened the first letter and there was $10 dollars in the envelope! I had never seen so much money in me life! Anywho we packed up our suitcases and boarded a ship to America. The trip seemed to take forever but when we finally saw the great Lady Liberty we were amazed at our new home. All we had to do was wait in line at this old island were we registered our name and former home. Just like that we were American Citizens with all the glorious benefits of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit o' happiness! Pa got a job in the mines in no time at all and it was enough money to keep Ma at home and food in me belly. Besides we didn't have to bow down to no monarchy! Sure the depression was hard on all of us but we still found work and now that I am retired I get most of me bills paid when I see the doctor about me prostate. It's a bloody shame that these illegal immigrants keep trying to come into this country. Don't they know that the sign says "No Vacancy?"

Bono- Benefit to Remove A-Holes

2006-06-30T21:55:00.000-07:00

Due to the growing amount of @$$ Clowns, A-Holes, Biznitchs, Jerks and Bastards, Bono and I decided that we needed a benefit concert. All he wanted was to add Republicans, Fascist, Capitalist, and Walmart to the list. I reassured him that those demands were agreeable. Anyway we are planning a benefit concert to raise money to deplore all of the undesireables to some Artic wasteland where they can argue amongst themselves as they attempt to drill for oil with a tooth pick and a bad attitude. The benefit concert is without a name at this time but we are in the middle of gathering a vocal choir with A-List music talent to perform the main song, "Don't They Know They Suck and At the Same Time Destroying the Developing World?"

Bono and I came up with the idea of a benefit after we read the horrible comment that someone left on my friend Bethiclause's blog (yes, Bono is an avid lurker on blogs in case you were wondering). Bono told me that, "It hurt me very much that some person would slam a quality parent like Bethiclause. I hope they die of AIDS and herpes while suffering from malnutrition as a despotic government hordes the food." He then added, "The probably voted for Bush."

Anyways this blog is in honor of Bethiclause, who is a damn good mother. I serious see two dozen mothers a day who care nothing of their children and use them to garner services from state and private agencies. It is a shame that someone should even suggest such hurtful things about calling CPS. As far as I am concerned that person is Excommunicated until I find it in my heart to forgive the rat bastard who made that comment. Beth, I love you and don't let anyone give you crap.

Shalom!

XBox360... Baby...Priorities

2006-06-18T22:36:00.000-07:00

How do you spend money given to you for various occasions? Do you buy stuff you "need" like books and clothes (both of which I have plenty of, including those I do not use) or do I purchase something fun. Well if your like me, you take the money set aside for fun stuff and buy things you need and spends the money you intended for needs and spend it on an Xbox360! Well the long and short is that the Xbox 360 is cool, sweet, awesome, and grand! The graphics are amazing and the entire set up is cool. Plus, the DVD player that it is equipped with is better than my current one. All in all, it is amazing what you can own if you don't have a car payment! Drive a crappy KIA and you too can have an XBox 360. What a real car? Then no XBox for you.
In more important matters, I was busy this week as I have to rewrite a curriculum for discipleship in my church. The current material that we are based on is extremely charismatic. Since I don't speak in tongues it is better if I rewrite something for the masses than to read something and then make numerous disclaimers. Needless to say I am swamped. I also felt my baby kick for the first time which was kind of gross for I don't want to imagine that my wife is carrying a form of alien life in her belly area as it feeds off her blood. But it was still kind of cool.
Finally I saw Les Mis on Tuesday and it was a great performance! I love that musical. It is filled with grace on many levels. The best part about this theme is that the grace is not cheap as it often comes with a price of someone suffering or dying in another's place. A real good show.

Don't Ask Me I Am Only An Elder!

2006-06-09T00:01:00.000-07:00

What does that mean? Who knows, I'm just a pastor. Actually it means that I can do more with less repercussions. Kind of like crazy drivers. You know, the ones who are obviously careful when taking their drivers test and then turn into the Road Warrior as soon as they get their license. Now I can say what I actually believe! No more beating around the bush for me. I now can be as orthodox as my heart desires! I am so excited!
Actually, being ordained is really exciting! It is hard to describe. Let's just say that I wept. It is hard to explain the entire process, but it is safe to say that it has taken 14 years to get to this point. It is a fulfillment of a dream. They say that it will hit me next year when I get to lay hands on the new ordinans. It was also a blessing to be ordained in the chapel that I attended for four years while in college and to see some of my professors and mentors.
It is amazing when I look back at my life and see how God has helped me through so much to keep His promise. It was great to have my parents there as well as my first pastor and some great friends. I wish all my KC friends could have been there too. I just want to say thanks to all my friends and family who supported me in my ministry and I also wish to thank all those who doubted me. Watch out doubters! I can excommunicate your asses with a quickness, so you better step off!
Just one of the perks!

Off to Assembly

2006-05-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

I will be gone for a few days. So no updates as of yet. I have to go to District Assembly. I will update everything later.

Life Catching Up To Me

2006-05-24T22:33:00.000-07:00

If I could play guitar I would look like him. I know that the world has moved on since the last time I posted. I think it was the rigor of black history month that sapped all my energy away. Or it could have been the fact that my entire life has been thrown in the dryer and set on permanent press! Ok, ok, I have no idea what that means. All I can say is that I have been very busy and blogging took a back step in the ol' priority list... PDA thingy. All though I am tired and beaten, there is plenty of good news. I am being ordained on the 1st of June in the city of San Diego! Fun on multiple levels. Also my situation at church has gone from frustrating to fantastic and yet I work more! Actually our church is gong through a completely new discipleship program that originated in Columbia. So far we are in the midst of the greatest spiritual revival in our church in over 50 years! On top of that our city has elected a new mayor... A liberal. The mayor has a major plan to turn San Bernarghetto... I mean San Bernardino around! My church is in the middle of the revitalization project and it looks like the city is helping us finance the renovation of our old sanctuary into a gym so that we can have a community center for children and keep them off the street. San Bernardino ranks 18th on the list of worst cities to live in. Joy! However, it looks like we are in the process of receiving $150,000 dollars for the renovation. So between changing our entire church around including service times, teaching Bible in our private elementary school, Sunday School, re-writing curriculum, getting my picture in the paper, chatting with the mayor and being one of the stars in our Easter play... lets just say that a picture is worth a thousand words.

WTF? Day

2006-02-02T12:20:00.000-08:00

Why do we still take weather advice from a rodent? In the age of Doppler Radars and the Weather Channel, why are we enthralled with what a furry animal sees or not? Has our society fallen to the point where we stop thinking and just accept irrational advice from unqualified sources? Isn't President Bush bad enough? Does Punxsutawney Phil care at all or does he just want to go back asleep?

Today I am proposing that the second day of February be officially called "WTF? Day." It will be a new holiday where Americans can collectively gather together to ask themselves WTF? It is a day of reflection as we examine our lives as a country in an attempt to weed out what is holding us back. For example, today is a great day to ask ourselves "WTF? Why did we let the Repubs control all of our national politics?" or "WTF? Why are we allowing the government to spy on us and remove our rights?" The options are endless. I purpose that the government would stop their illegal wire taps on this day so that all Americans can freely express their WTF? Day with no fear of repercussion. I am sure that some of those Red States would fight in court to stop WTF? Day i.e. Arizona fighting for years to stop MLK Day from being an official holiday, but lets push this forward anyways. So in the spirit of the new holiday, I will begin with my WTF? for this year.

WTF? - Does anyone else think it is bizarre that February, the shortest month of the year, is Black History Month?

WTF? - When are we going to take a stand against the government robbing us of all our civil rights? Isn't the Rebup party supposed to be the small government party?

Well, I gave you two right there. So feel free to respond with your WTF? Day thoughts.

My Wife Be Having My Shorty!

2006-01-30T13:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay in posting for a while. Pat and his disciples have been after me all this time and I had to hide in some dark part of California, Fontucky (in other words, I stayed home). Anyways the news from the I.E. this week is the revelation that my wife is pregnant! That's right, Rikki is having my baby. I know that it seems as if Rikki and I are always copying Beth. First Beth and Andres get married then we get married. Now they are pregnant and then Rikki gets pregnant. Sorry Beth but you demand to be copied. Of course this is kind of a shock as we were using the trying but not really trying form of birth control that is usually reserved for trailer trash. But when in Rome! I mean why spend thousands of dollars for fertility drugs when all that is really needed is a trailer, some booze, and the empty promise that one is "on the pill," "I'll put the condom on later," or the always classic "I didn't think I could get pregnant." Now rest assured that Rikki and I did not have to succumb to such measures but we do live in Fontana. Although the mayor has assured us that we are no longer "Fontucky, the backwater town" it is still filled with Rednecks and a thousand and one storage centers. So even though I did not chug down a six pack of Naty Light while bedding my wench in the ol' trailer, there is something in the air that allows for abnormal breading rates. No matter what we will hope that our child will be healthy and normal. Thanks for your prayers!

Another Reason to love the Vatican

2006-01-19T13:26:00.000-08:00

Great article about regarding intelligent Design and if it should be taught in schools.
Here

Pat Robertson... The Interview

2006-01-18T07:03:00.000-08:00

Note: This interview was delayed a few weeks after Mr. Robertson was trying to kiss ass after making another bonehead comment.

Pastor Stew: Hello there Mr. Robertson. How are you today?

Pat Robertson: Please call me Pat... High Priest of the Most High.

PS: Ok... Pat.

PR: No, it's Pat: High Priest of the Most High.

PS: Anyway, do you wish to comment on what you said about Israel Prime Minister Ariel Sharon?

PR: I don't understand what the big deal is. Israel has had people telling them that they were being punished all the time for disobeying God. I say one in critique of Mr. Sharon and they all start bashing on me. It's not very fair.

PS: Well Pat, I think the problem is that those people you speak about were prophets.

PR: I rest my case.

PS: Are you saying you are a prophet?

PR: Yes and no.

PS: How so?

PR: Well I told you before that my name is Pat: High Priest of the Most High. In fact, it is now my legal name. Here's my driver's license.

PS: That's great. I think I am scared of you now.

PR: That's good for the Bible says that fear is the beginning to the knowledge of God.

PS: Um... I think that might be out of context.

PR: Here we go again about that context thing you always bring up. When God gave the real Bible to King James, one of the wise men, that God intended us Americans to be His people. That's why we got to get the gays and the Latinos out of Dodge so that we can prevent that book of Revelations stuff.

PS: You think homosexuals and Latinos are the cause of evil in this world? I think that is absurd.

PR: Well did you see George Lopez the other night? There he is all "high and mighty" on stage making fun of sweet, little ol' Jessica Simpson. You know she is the daughter of a pastor don't you? Anyways, sweet Jessica Simpson, Good God Almighty! There is a girl who is using her faith to reach people. I completely support her in her decision to dump her husband. I just love her to pieces. That is why I put up her posters in my office and all over the 700 Club and even in my bedroom. I am a huge fan!

PS: I think you are a pervert.

PR: You are a sick man! Just because I support a fellow Christian who happens to have a great rack with legs that go up to Heaven itself and I am the pervert? No, Pastor Stew, You are the pervert! You are just like George Lopez, jealous that the people of God have dibs on Miss Simpson and not you evil, burrito eating Latinos!

PS: ...

PR: Oh speechless are we? I thought so.

PS: ... So you are sorry for saying that Mr. Sharon was given the stroke by God for trying to bring peace to Israel and Palestine?

PR: What kind of name is Ariel anyways? Is he the Little Mermaid now? You know that cartoon was pretty cute, but she was no Jessica Simpson. Have I said how I am her number one fan?

PS: Are you drooling?

PR: Huh? What? Oh I am sorry. I must have had one of those thank ya Jesus moments?

PS: I bet. Well thanks for your time. I hope that everything goes well for you in the future?

PR: Oh it will, singing, as long as I have Jessica, my sweet, sweet Jessica.

PS: Your sick!

The Wild Adventures of Pastor Stew

2006-01-10T11:20:00.000-08:00

With the coming of the new year it is always fitting to look back at the previous year and see where you have been and where you would like to go. This year the statistics of San Bernardino included 55 murders. 19 of those murders where in one square mile of my church. So more than a third of all murder for the year happened in the area that I am directly trying to reach out to. These are the serious aspects of inner city ministry. Many would argue that we better high tail it out of town before it gets any worse. Others (like myself) argue that this is where the church needs to be. So far this year we have already have had two murders in 2006 including a 14 year old who was shoot outside their house. I know that Pat Robertson probably believes that since California teaches evolution that God is punishing us here. Who knows? Well I think I know, and I think that God has given us an opportunity to help those in need. Perhaps we can help change the neighborhood. For so long people here have felt that no one wants them and no one values them. I believe that these are correct assumptions on their behalf. However, I think that I can help change this place. Will it be easy? No. Will it require work and effort? Yes. Will it be worth it if perhaps I can make a difference in one persons life? Absolutely. That is my goal for this year: To make a difference in the life of another. The more the merrier.

PS I have scheduled some interviews with some interesting people and they should make an appearance in the upcoming weeks. It looks like I got Pat back for another go as well as Falwell and I am currently working on bringing in the top gun himself, James Dobson. So this year looks like a winner.

Down But Not Out

2006-01-01T22:27:00.000-08:00

With the loss of my Fantasy Football league my spirit has been down. I know it sounds silly, but it is my life. I truly spend several hours each week trying to prepare my team. Oh well. Since I have been in a saddened state I have been playing the Cube and XBox again. I caught up my town in Animal Crossing and killed about a thousand people/animals in the new hit game, Gun. Gun is pretty sweet. You play a mysterious man whose "father" is killed by a fake, murderous preacherwho worked for a railroad baron. In actuality the character's real father was a missionary doctor who was killed by the same people who killed your adopted father. Cool or what? I guess there is a small part of me that would encourage my future son to avenage my death if the person who killed me also killed the person raising my future son. I mean killing is wrong, but if the same person kills your real father and the the person who raised you, pretending to be your father then that has to be ok... doesn't it? Leave it to a video game to tackle the truly dificult moral dilemas in life.

The Dream Is Over... Thanks to Domanick Davis

2005-12-21T11:45:00.000-08:00

This week has been a sad one for the Stewmister. The dream of hoisting the Socal Loco Fantasy Football League Trophy is over. I lost a close game in the semifinals due to the fact that one of best players decided that the swelling in his knee was to much for him to play on. I have defended pro athletes in the past, but this has gone too far. First Terrel Owens gets canned for the season and now this? Domanick Davis, how could you do this to me? I needed you out there. I actually tried to win those last few weeks in order to win the SLFFL Trophy. I kept you regardless of the trade offers and you stab me in the back. How am I supposed to celebrate Christmas this year? I had already planned the celebration dinner for Christmas Day with the hopes of displaying the SLFFLT for all to see. Now I will have to go to church and worship knowing that the best I can do is finish in third place. See you not only took away the SLFFLT away from me, but you have now taken away my worship to Almighty God! Are you happy now? Are you?

Random Thoughts

2005-12-12T16:08:00.000-08:00

Here are some things that have been floating in my brain.

It is hard to be a thoughtful person, much easier to be lazy.

People like Pat Robertson and James Dobson are not as influential as they might think.

I can't wait to see the Narnia movie.

I can't believe that the majority of Christians are finally beginning to understand the Narnia books as being an allegory of Christian belief.

The UK is going to allow homosexual unions and although I do not agree with the life style, I have to admit that I think every person should be granted the same rights as everyone else; However, as a minister I would not marry a homosexual couple.

It might take a few years, but I will have an XBox 360 someday.

It is only a matter of seconds before Fundies claim that the huge fire in London is a direct result of allowing homosexual unions.

War is hell; war is wrong.

My fantasy football team is going deep in the playoffs.

I really like to preach.

Being a professed Evangelical Liberal is hard work.

Being a respectable human being is hard work.

I realize that Fundamentalist actually make my life easier due to the comic relief.

I miss my friends in KC but do not miss KC.

I hope every one has a Merry Christmas, especially those who do not believe in Christ.

Sorry Folks

2005-12-10T11:36:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates but the Senior Pastor is out of the country do some work so I was left in charge this week. So I have been up to my eyeballs in work. I will post on Monday.

If You Can't Open The Fridge Pack Of Coke, Then Stay Out Of The Fridge

2005-11-30T14:38:00.000-08:00

You know who you are. This is the last warning. I am tired of picking up the six Cokes that fall out because you are unable to tear a perforated section out of the box. I don't know who did it. Was it you Matthew? Or how about my wife? Perhaps it was Dad? No matter what, this has to come to an end! It's not hard people. Ripping the entire end of the box open is not an alternative! Is this how you treat God's precious gift of Coca-Cola Classic? What do you do with your salvation? Do you throw it around trying to force your sinful ways the same way you do the Fridge Pack? If you can't be trusted with small things how are you to handle the big things in life? I guess I will show grace to the unfortunate soul who destroyed the Fridge Pack sometime last night/ this morning. I will forgive. However I will be slow to forgive those who continue to fall away after they have been shown the error of their ways. Should you be allowed to incorrectly open the Fridge Pack so that my grace should increase in your life? Heck No! So stop it already, whoever you are.

Fear, The Christmas Beard and Capitalism

2005-11-29T10:32:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! I am sorry that I have not written anything in a while but I got scared. Why? Well my little post on Mr. Robertson was actually read by people I do not know. Sometimes they are called "new people" in the blogging world. Well that scared me! Were they spies sent out to review my blog and make recommendations to those in the higher offices of the 700 Club or perhaps my denominational HQ? Scary.
Well it's that time of the year again. It's time for the Christmas Beard. The Christmas Beard is a time honored tradition where I become lazy and do not shave. It just so happens that this beard appears around the Christmas Season and departs around the beginning of the Season of Epiphany. Some in the secular world have deemed it the "Finals Beard" Since it occurs around the academic calendar of Final Exams. I will put up a picture when I get the chance.
Why the Christmas Beard? Surely I can't be that lazy right? Well I only shaved once a week to begin with and I still have to shave some. The Christmas Beard is more about laziness; it is about freedom, freedom from Capitalism. The evil, Top Hatted Capitalist once again poked their bloated heads into the Christmas Season trying to sell their wares that destroy our earth and our souls. Well I stand up for the good that still remains during this season and therefore I will not buy those Mach3 Turbo blades that so gently cut the coarse hairs of injustice and leave behind the smooth-to-the-touch face of freedom. I will suffer with my brothers who have to settle for Bic disposable or even the old straight razor and strap. This season I will not request the Costco economy pack of blades of the mighty Mach3. So take that Capitalist!

Something Smart For A Change?

2005-11-18T10:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, Ok. I know it seems impossible, but here is a good link in regards to how some Christians are against the teaching of intelligent design. Who knew they were Catholics?
here

I'm Pat Robertson... And I'm An Idiot!

2005-11-17T12:58:00.000-08:00

Hello. Most of you do not know me but I am an important person. Many years ago I started a TeeVee ministry called the "700 Club." Why did I name it that you ask? Well to be honest it is the largest number I could think of. I thought that if I could reach out to the 700 real Christians out there that I could make a difference for Jesus in the Good Ol' U.S. of A. Therefore I support God and guns and wish all them gays to go back to hell from whence they game, thus says the Lord!
I know that I have received a lot of flack in recent weeks as I have called for the assanation of a democratically elected world leader, and just last week I told a small town in Pennsylvania that God was going to destroy their town for not teaching the Bible side of creation to their youngin's. Pastor Stew here has shown me that the Bible in fact does not really teach a 6, 24 hour days creation. He reminded me that it would be impossible to have 24 hour days due to the fact that the sun, which is how we designate the movement of time that we call hours and days, as well as the moon, which corresponds to seasons and months were not in fact created until the fourth day of creation. Also Pastor Stew showed me how Genesis chapter 2 is a synopsis of what occurred on the 6th day. If we take chapters 1 and 2 literally then we must understand that Adam had to name every animal in one day and then take time for a nap in which a woman could be made from half his body. I don't know about you but I don't think that I could name every animal in one day. So therefore I had to agree that my views were not only wrong but unbiblical! Gee golly wiz!
But then I started thinking that this Pastor Stew fella is one of those La Tinos that I have heard about on the TeeVee. If that is true than he may be a Commie like that guy from Venezuela that needs to be taken out. I might be an idiot Pastor Stew, but I ain't no Commie! So I think that I might still be preachin' what I think is right because I know that Jesus wants me and the Good Ol' U.S. of A. to be a Pro-Guns, Anti-Gay country. You can take all your fancy academics and give it back to that Liberal Satan whence it game, thus says the Lord! God Bless America... and no one else!

The Honeymoon Is Over!

2005-11-16T14:41:00.000-08:00

The honeymoon in my first pastorate is over. No, I did not lose my job, but the job is no work. To say that I have been very busy is an understatement. I sometimes think that my wife the med student has more free time and has more fun. Alas, I am officially a grown up. I have not blogged in a while due to the fact of having nothing to really blog about. My dilemma with blogging is that I refuse to blog about my work in the church. Truth be told, I do not think it is very pastoral to talk crap about people from my church, especially on the internet. Sadly, this would give me countless hours of material, but I have to take the high road here. Therefore it is increasingly more difficult to create blog entries. All of my creative energies are used in writing Bible studies and leading various small groups. In my fifth month of ministry I have already hit the level of despair that all pastors find themselves in from time to time. What's better is that I have no financial security after this month. Well maybe that's Good News as I can apply for Welfare like ODB! (R.I.P.) Over all I have decided... Make that confirmed ( I decided this a long time ago) that I do not want to really be a pastor of a church in the regards of all the day to day stuff. I would rather be a pastor of the poor and needy who come faithfully to receive the Gospel and some necessities (this is one of my current ministry duties).
Of course this is a major cop-out. It is the reality that people can suck from time to time and therefore require me to actually put forth effort in trying to reach them. I guess I am just scared. Scared of failing, scared of losing faith, or scared of success. I don't know. Right now I feel as if I am holding on to potential and that gives off an erie vibe. Of course it must be the same feeling for God who seems to be waiting on us using our potential. I guess God is getting the shorter end of that. However, I have been asking myself the question of what will be the indicator of a successful ministry? Is it numerical growth? Is it "spiritual growth?" Does it even need to grow? Sometimes I feel that my ministry here is designed for me to grow more than anything else. I need some more work to smooth off those rough edges before I go venturing forth to the jungles of Southeast Asia.
For those who have been interested, I have been spending my gaming time between Fable for the XBOX and Age of Empires II for PC. AGE, as my friends and I called it in college, is an old favorite and it reminds me of more ignorant (and therefore) more fun times of my naive youth. Here's to college ignorance!

This Blog Is Going In A New Direction

2005-11-02T12:16:00.000-08:00

It has been some time since I bloged on this website. Well the truth of the matter is that I am not sure if I want to stay in the blogging business. Personally I think my life is boring and that my mind can make a world that is funnier and more entertaining. I am thinking of starting a blog that will look similar a satire news site like the Onion. Or I could be lazy and develop something similar to that right here on this blog. I have come to the conclusion that people around the world do not care about me, or others for that manner. Instead I shall offer the masses what they want, more entertainment. Maybe I could educate a few people in the process.

OK I Bit On This Personality Thing

2005-10-19T15:01:00.000-07:00

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

At first I was embarassed to be seen in this light and then I thought to my self and said "Hell Ya! This is some cool @#$%!" This is one of my favorite movies of all time. Give me the power suckas! God bless you all.

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I Hate The Double Dip

2005-10-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

The vast media market is filled with double dipping. By this, I am refering to the practice where various media outlets such as DVDs and Video Games produce and market old product as new to try to up the sales of these older product. The best example is with DVDs. For example the Lord of the Rings movies came out on DVD eight months after there were first seen in theatres. These DVDs were the basic run of the mill DVDs with no extras to play with. Two months after those DVDs were relaeased the special edition DVDs were released with all of the extra features and bonus clips, etc. This is a double dip for the makers produced a DVD that they wanted to sell and then produced one that you wanted to buy. Essentially they got people to buy both DVDs when they will never play the first one again. Easy money! This is starting to take place in the video game world as well. Nintendo in recent years has begun to reissue their old games that were first popular in the 80's when their original system came out. What sucks about this is that these reissued games are only compatibale with a new system and not the old one, which I still have. Instead of selling old consoles or ways to adapt the old to the new I would have to buy a new system and then buy the game which I already have. This blows!

Being Sick Blows Inwardly

2005-10-18T17:47:00.000-07:00

My high school science teacher did not like the word "sucks" and insisted that in nature nothing really sucks. Instead everything blows in one direction or another. The great thing was when I then said that the homework assignment "blows" and the entire class laughed. Seriously though, I have been sick for a time now and I hate it. Strep Throat is the pastor's bane due to the fact that it limits our God given gift of talking and therefore limiting our power of bull----. So all eight (ok a high estimate) of you who read this blog I am sorry for not posting in a while but I will post more stuff soon. I have not even played a video game in a few days so I think I am losing my conection with this reality.

New Study: Video Games Linked to Crime, Violence and Sexual Deviance. Church Leaders Offer Sigh of Relief

2005-09-28T15:19:00.000-07:00

Dietrich Stevenson AP
Vatican City- Today marked a celebration in the Holy City that rivaled Papal inaugurations, Easter and Christmas mass. Pope Benedict, as well as other promenat Christian Leaders, anouced to their flocks that a new study in the New England Journal of Medicine that linked video games with deviant behavior such as crime, lewdness, and violence. This study came as a shock to many experts who linked such behavior to the Christian Church. Dr. Paul Liberwitz of Harvard School of psychiatry expressed his surprise to the new findings, "I am completely shocked! For 2,000 years the Church has been the 'whipping boy' when it came to passing blame on the rise of violence and inappropriate sexual behavior. I guess we were wrong; it was video games all along!"
Catholics were not the only ones celebrating as news of this victory spread through out the Christian religion. Protestant leaders such as Jerry Falwell, and Dr. James Dobson exclaimed on their national syndicated programs the "Good News" that video games, and not their oppressive views of Holy Scripture, were the reason behind the apparent increase of "sinful behavior." "In the 50's," stated Dobson, "We didn't have video games and we also didn't have sin."
As news of this study begins to infiltrated the masses, many are relieved that the Church is absolved from any cause to such behavior. Bob Merkly is one such person as he confessed in his Evangelical Bible Study that his problem with pornography and several affairs was due to his "experimenting with Pong in the 70's" and not with "[my] religious upbringing that taught me [that] women are only objects for a man's pleasure." In another related confession, convicted arsonist Doug Hybel, has sought an appeal to his conviction in burning down two abortion clinics in Illinois. He now claims that it was not God, nor his pastor that convinced him to burn down the clinics but the evil "tools of Satan" referring to his collection of video games as a child. "Mario, Luigi and that damn Mega Man made me burn those clinics," cried Hybel.
Some however are denying the claims of the new study and believe that the Church has invested billions in creating such a report to get the media off their backs. Whether a vast conspiracy or a new revelation, the Church sighed with relief today as criticisms seem to be shifted elsewhere, for now.

Politics, Religion, and Video Games

2005-09-27T14:02:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, it is considered rude for a casual conversation to contain the following items. However, I simply cannot stay quiet about my three favorite subjects of all time. The first two (politics and religion) seem to be stuck in the same rut. Both of these realms seem to lose the everyday person by being too polar. One side wants to hold on to some tradition or another, that has some serious flaws, because it represents some distant "good ol' days." On the other hand you have those who want to throw out the baby with the bath water and trample on tradition and begin to make a new tradition that is just as flawed as the previous one. Why? I don't know! However, I do know that both could take lessons from the video game world. The video game market has climbed steadily since the 70's due to some interesting observations. The first of these observations is the strength of tradition. The video game has not changed much in the last 30 years. The same genres and characters are still around today as the were years ago. Instead what has changed is the interaction the player has with the game. Know players can control 3-dimensional characters in a 3-d world. They can choose what they will look like and are not forced to be confined to a set pattern or mold. In other words, the basics of the games has stayed the same but the player has been given freedom to explore and find out who they are. Would not politics and religion benefit if they followed video games? I don't know. But I think that politics and religion would benefit from allowing those who participate the actual ability to participate. We cannot even vote directly for our own president for crying out loud! And it sure would be nice if churches allowed people to be people some of the time. It is sad when the two fields that influence so much of our lives fail to see what is so important in the lives of people. I know that video games are not the answer for it is wrong in our world but they sure do get blamed a lot. Instead of condemning the video game and all of its influence maybe politics and religion should take time and see how they can reclaim their turf o' influence back from Mario and company.

Xbox Returns!

2005-09-21T11:14:00.000-07:00

So my good friend the Xbox has made its return to my television set... And with a vengeance! I last played my Xbox before I moved from K.C. three months ago. It was good to see my friend once again and we fell right back into place as if we were never separated. Oh how much I love my Xbox. The game I am currently playing is a great game called "Beyond Good and Evil." The plot of this adventure game is to use your skillz as a photographer who is hired by a rebel organization to spy and find proof of a government conspiracy. This game is tight! It has a killer soundtrack that is probably one of the best that I have ever heard in a video game.
On a more serious note... It must seem like a conspiracy to some that the Gulf Coast is being blasted with hurricanes this last month. What gives? Should we evacuate the entire south for a few months and let the place heal? It saddens me that this stuff happens and I ask that everyone pray that the Lord will protect those who are in potential danger and help those who are in need. Sometimes situations like these require Christians to think beyond simply defining events as good or evil and instead seek what they can do to help those who are in need.

I love Jesus... It's Kinda Scary

2005-09-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

Although I have a great wife and family (and some friends to boot) my life is far from perfect. My job is a busy one that pays didly poo and offers strife as a benefit. Why do I stay? Because I love to do what I do. Just look at Jesus (picture provided). Could you say no to that face? It is a face of love and compassion, and quite frankly He looks kind of sexy. You just know that with His baby brown eyes that He could captivate you and compel you to do His will. I can hear His voice now, "Follow Me... to the store, buy me something" or "I love you, now give Me a bite of that taco." What's not to love about Jesus?
But seriously people, Why do so many people stay away from Jesus? Is it the church who have made Jesus into a weapon to beat people with guilt and condemnation? Are we to blame Mel Gibson for making us feel... what ever it was we felt in his movie? How about Jesus Himself? Did Jesus fail to give us what we really wanted or needed? Or is it the fact that people are fickle? I personally blame me. That's right I blame me. I know that I have not been the best example of Jesus to all those I encountered. It's time to start showing the real Jesus. No more Mr. Nice Jesus! It's time to keep it real with the Real Jesus. If you want some more info on the Real Jesus then click here. Yes, I think I will be in trouble for this one. What do you think? Just remember, don't ask me.

Two Blogs in One Day?!?

2005-09-08T16:22:00.000-07:00

Ok the first one was a rant that I needed to get off my chest. This one is way more serious. I have noticed the alarming amount of Pastors out there who do not trust their own minds. Although I normally think this is a positive thing since most pastors are completely insane when it comes to things like politics, religion, the Bible and life. However, I still believe they should try. I guess what I am getting at is that it surprises me how many pastor use other pastor's "stuff." By stuff I mean sermons, Bible studies etc. The last few weeks I have been leading the church Bible study and was locked into using this other pastor's material. The stuff is pretty weak sauce if you want to know. Anyway it just bugs me that I have to use other peoples stuff. To be honest my problem is not so much the stuff but the quality of said stuff, or lack there of. It seems to me that all one has to have in order to make pastor stuff is to have a congregation that is extremely large where no one knows anyone and they really don't buy into the stuff but the pastor thinks they do because they keep coming when in reality they come because the pastor's stuff is easier to do then the other pastors' stuff. Say no to stuff!
I must say that I really like the movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin." Perhaps the reason I liked it was that I felt that it gave virginity a good, although goofy spin. Since I was a 25 year old virgin until I got married I thank I laughed more than the others in the theater since it felt close to home. So far it made me laugh more than some movies but I think that there was little in the area of great lines that desire to become apart of your everyday life. For example my sister insists on calling everyone a pirate hooker. Good flick but not as rewatchable as the classics like Tommy Boy or Basketball. 3 Manuals out of 4.

Katrina, High Gas Prices and Theodicy

2005-09-08T13:09:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been tough for this country. With the destruction of the New Orleans area and the gouging of gas prices (which riases the price of everything) many people in this country are hurting. Worse than all of this destruction is the lame ass excuses that people give for the happening of these events. My particular favorite are those who claim that God is punishing people because they are bad. Well if this is true then I am glad that I live in a place where people have great Christian standards. Way to go Los Angeles! That's sarcasm. Of course the big fancy word that describes the nature of God with suffering and evil is theodicy (check the link). Does God send hurricanes to punish poor people and minorites because they are sinful? Of course not! Did God want those people to die and suffer? Nope. Is it just me or does the US have to understand that most people in this world suffer in their daily lives? What has happened and continues to happen is that people do not want to take responsibility for their actions. New Orleans has hurricanes, it is bellow sea level, it is next to a major river... sounds like trouble. In fact it is a situation that happens every year in the country of Bangladesh. The poor fishing caste has now where to live except on the coast where EVERY YEAR they have mast flooding durring their rainy season resulting in hundreds and thousands of deaths. Does God have it in for these people? The long and short of it is that we can past blame for as long as we want as our leaders have chosen to do or we can do what God is doing and helping people in need. Every time we see people helping others we are seeing God at work.

Hypocrits, Liars, and My Other Qualities

2005-09-01T12:32:00.000-07:00

Yep, I broke my promise. I did not write the second blog nor opened the X-Box. However, I do have a decent excuse. This last weekend was rough. It began on Friday when my Senior Pastor called to say that he would not be able to be there on Sunday and that I would have to preach and lead the service. Great! So I spent Friday preparing (read panicing over) my sermon and worship service. The service was already planned to be a special service that was recognizing those who served in the church. In fact we giving the highest award my denomination has to two people. Of course this is all find and dandy except for the pancake breakfast that we held on Saturday for 200 people. Still not a problem. Then there was that community theatre performance on Saturday night that I had to go to that featured 5 people from the church. Starting to panic! After Sunday school and a wonderful service, it dawned on me that I should prepare for the Sunday night Bible study and maybe I should pack since I was leaving for San Diego after that. Overall I made it through the weekend and had a wonderful time in San Diego catching up with old friends and professors. Even found time to sneek in a fantasy football draft and a movie.
Speaking of which I recomend watching Four Brothers. It is a decent story with some humor and sadness. Overall Mark Walhberg did white trash as good as anyone and Andre 3000 is actually a good actor. The story was very similar to that of the Passion narratives... if the disciples opened a can of whop-ass on those who killed Jesus. I give it 3 1/2 Manuals out of four.

I'm Back!

2005-08-22T10:54:00.000-07:00

OK, OK, That was a long hiatus from the good ol' blog. This last month has been filled with challenge after challenge. We had a person die, a heated board meeting, problems with our solar energy system, apparent theft, and the pastor is on vacation... Again. Plus my wife started Med School, my Animal Crossing town reached perfect status... For two days, and updated my church into the 20th century by instituting a video projector and Power Point for announcements and songs. We were still using overhead transparencies!
So I promise to make a few changes around here. First I promise to blog at least twice a week if I can. Second I promise to unpack my X-Box. It has been two months now! Third that I will try to bring up some interesting, real life stuff that could actually educate or being up lively debate. For example I have been dealing with the following question: "Do the saints in heaven have the ability to see into the world since the Bible concludes that Heaven will be a place of no sorrow?" Remember the following questioned is asked in an Evangelical/non-Catholic worldview. What do I think? Personally I don't think that when we die we immediately enter Heaven for the Kingdom of God is not yet here. I believe in a resurrection of the dead and if there are Saints in the already/not yet Kingdom then Hell YA they can see us. Of course there is no sorrow because they are probably laughing their a$$ off at the stupid things we do and say about Christianity. Hey don't ask me I am only a pastor!

My Wife the Doctor... in Training

2005-08-06T18:33:00.000-07:00

Here is my pretty wife. I am so proud of her! I hope that she does not kill anyone her first two weeks. Maybe I should buy her the ER video game to give her some experience? However, that could be too advanced for her so I think that I will buy her Operation instead. I know that I will be hearing that buzzing noise for a while but better her than in the hospital.

Too Busy?

2005-08-03T14:38:00.000-07:00

We all know that life has its ups and downs. The life of a Pastor and a gamer are no different. The last few weeks have been filled with following up on first time visitors and praying for the needs of the church. To be perfectly honest I have been struggling to find the energy I need to be effective at my calling. Currently I am working six days a week plus trying to be a good husband to my wife and a good uncle to my niece and nephew. Alas I am tired and therefore have not the strength to blog or write witty humor. My next blog will be better but I needed to blog this for the sake of staying into blogging.
PS I still do not understand how the word "blog" is not included in the spell check.

My New Look!?!

2005-07-21T22:46:00.000-07:00

Well here is my new look! I was thinking that I needed a make over and fast! Looking at the pictures that my wife has been posting of me I decided I needed a whole new package... No not that one! I went for the obvious tummy tuck and facial reconstruction. I decided to do some lasik and fix those beautiful brown eyes that mysteriously change hazel from time to time. I made the wonderful people at Fox give me a muscle lift for the heck of it, just to even everything else.
People have been asking, "Stew, why would you change what God has given you?" The simple answer is that I was starting to look a bit like a not-so-famous internet character by the name of Senor Cardgage.
I think the improvement will make my life easier as my wife has not stop drooling over her new boy toy. However, there is a small part of me that feels that I took the easy way out. I guess I have more respect for those who actually work hard or take steroids to give themselves their dream body. Yet, respect does not get you good looks and bulging muscles, no, respect gives none of these things. Therefore I choose muscles and looks over respect. Besides I can finally wrestle that Harry Potter book away from Rikki once and for all! I am unstoppable!

I Want My Wife Back!

2005-07-20T23:25:00.000-07:00

My wife, the beautiful Doctor in Training is participating in the madness known as Harry Potter. Although I love my wife very much, I do not think I will be able to hold any resemblance of sanity if she does not finish the book soon. I have made an oath to the Lord that I will not read a book if their is to be a movie or video game release that will save me the time and energy to catch up. Therefore I have not read any of the Potter books and I can safely say that I am very unlikely to ever do so. If hard pressed I can always fall back on religious grounds of how Harry Potter is Satanic because it deals with wizards and witches and other fun topics.

One Long Week AKA Stealing money!

2005-07-19T15:15:00.000-07:00

This has been the longest two weeks of my life! I think the climax of this adventure was reached this weekend when I was in charge of the church for the entirety of all services. I preached and I taught and I prayed until I had nothing left. I left it all on the field; I gave 110%! In all actuality it was rather fun and I enjoy what I do. It feels like stealing to take a salary for being a pastor. If only I can find away for getting paid to play video games. Speaking of Stealing...
Lately I have been addicted to Animal Crossing. It seems that all my free hours are spent trying to pay off my debt to a crazy raccoon by fishing and catching bugs while trying to please a nomadic hodgepodge of animal species. The sad thing is that their seems to be striking parallels to my insane life.

Trying to add a picture to my profile

2005-07-14T22:08:00.000-07:00

Who would of thought that uploading a picture in my profile would be so difficult? I know, I know, I should ask God. I think it is a conspiracy at blogger to weed out would be bloggers or bloggets and save some cash on bandwidth. It is like the 30 man code in Contra... only the faithful will discover the truth! Alas, I guess it should be time to mention that my wife has a blog and it is in my links section. Check it out and tell her how beautiful her blog is.
Sarah wins the award for first person to use semi-foul language on my blog. Scrumtrulecent! Almost as sweet as my picture in front of the Friendly Confines aka Wrigley Field. I think my friend Beth will probably win the award for the first true swear word in my blog unless I blog about my commute to work or if I blog about my previous three years in Kansas City. Of course I have been known to drop some bombs when I die in a video game or when I think about the Republicans or hang out with Sarah. She really brings out the sailor talk in God fearing people! Of course that is why I love her.
From time to time the Story of God and video games appear together in a more obvious format such as Christian video games. I was recently playing a game called "Spiritual Warfare" where the object was destroying Satan with the Fruit of the Spirit. Each fruit (think apple and pear and not peace, love, joy etc) has its own power to damn all those who play with the Devil to hell. My favorite part is if you venture into the bar you are thrown in the sewer and your journey is difficult. To bad the game is for Nintendo and not XBox. The XBox version would include a full debauchery mode where young believers could face temptations like cigarettes and hard core drugs like pot. No wonder Christians are so good at video games it is the only way in which we are allowed to particpate in good ol' sin without any of the guilt or shame! Yeah for Video Games and Jesus!

Ask God All The Hard Questions

2005-07-14T00:14:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or do most people always want answers to the hard questions in life? No one seems to ask me questions regarding such simple does and do nots such as stealing or lusting over such and such. Instead they ask me toughies such as why are we here or what does God want me to do with my life and yada yada yada. I don't know, ask God! Yeah I said it! Go ask the Uber Being upstairs what the meaning of life is or what your purpose is. I sure as heck do not know. Of course Rick Warren has made my life a doozy by writing a book that seems to know the answers to all the hard stuff. Like 2,000 years of Christianity has now been condensed to a 200 page book. But I digress. It seems in all my years of ministry (read two weeks) that right answer is seldom found from within the individual but within the community of those who are searching for the truth.
I also wish to devote my life to video games, which are fun and help remove the stress of being a highly important person. I think the currently world leaders should decide the fate of the political world with a video game rumble! I think Japan will win. I also think that the major religions should fight for the right of undisputed truth claims. I think Christianity will win for the other religions are to devote in their own faith to have time for video games. If i used all my chapel skips in college to practice Counter Strike instead of sleping in, I would be a world champion. Of course atheist would probably be the best gamers out there... but then again they probably use their heatheness to score with the opposite sex than with Mario. That means a Japanesse Christian world is destined to be the best form of government around. Don't ask me why... ask God.