The Honeymoon Is Over!

The honeymoon in my first pastorate is over. No, I did not lose my job, but the job is no work. To say that I have been very busy is an understatement. I sometimes think that my wife the med student has more free time and has more fun. Alas, I am officially a grown up. I have not blogged in a while due to the fact of having nothing to really blog about. My dilemma with blogging is that I refuse to blog about my work in the church. Truth be told, I do not think it is very pastoral to talk crap about people from my church, especially on the internet. Sadly, this would give me countless hours of material, but I have to take the high road here. Therefore it is increasingly more difficult to create blog entries. All of my creative energies are used in writing Bible studies and leading various small groups. In my fifth month of ministry I have already hit the level of despair that all pastors find themselves in from time to time. What's better is that I have no financial security after this month. Well maybe that's Good News as I can apply for Welfare like ODB! (R.I.P.) Over all I have decided... Make that confirmed ( I decided this a long time ago) that I do not want to really be a pastor of a church in the regards of all the day to day stuff. I would rather be a pastor of the poor and needy who come faithfully to receive the Gospel and some necessities (this is one of my current ministry duties).
Of course this is a major cop-out. It is the reality that people can suck from time to time and therefore require me to actually put forth effort in trying to reach them. I guess I am just scared. Scared of failing, scared of losing faith, or scared of success. I don't know. Right now I feel as if I am holding on to potential and that gives off an erie vibe. Of course it must be the same feeling for God who seems to be waiting on us using our potential. I guess God is getting the shorter end of that. However, I have been asking myself the question of what will be the indicator of a successful ministry? Is it numerical growth? Is it "spiritual growth?" Does it even need to grow? Sometimes I feel that my ministry here is designed for me to grow more than anything else. I need some more work to smooth off those rough edges before I go venturing forth to the jungles of Southeast Asia.
For those who have been interested, I have been spending my gaming time between Fable for the XBOX and Age of Empires II for PC. AGE, as my friends and I called it in college, is an old favorite and it reminds me of more ignorant (and therefore) more fun times of my naive youth. Here's to college ignorance!