I'm Pat Robertson... And I'm An Idiot!

Hello. Most of you do not know me but I am an important person. Many years ago I started a TeeVee ministry called the "700 Club." Why did I name it that you ask? Well to be honest it is the largest number I could think of. I thought that if I could reach out to the 700 real Christians out there that I could make a difference for Jesus in the Good Ol' U.S. of A. Therefore I support God and guns and wish all them gays to go back to hell from whence they game, thus says the Lord!
I know that I have received a lot of flack in recent weeks as I have called for the assanation of a democratically elected world leader, and just last week I told a small town in Pennsylvania that God was going to destroy their town for not teaching the Bible side of creation to their youngin's. Pastor Stew here has shown me that the Bible in fact does not really teach a 6, 24 hour days creation. He reminded me that it would be impossible to have 24 hour days due to the fact that the sun, which is how we designate the movement of time that we call hours and days, as well as the moon, which corresponds to seasons and months were not in fact created until the fourth day of creation. Also Pastor Stew showed me how Genesis chapter 2 is a synopsis of what occurred on the 6th day. If we take chapters 1 and 2 literally then we must understand that Adam had to name every animal in one day and then take time for a nap in which a woman could be made from half his body. I don't know about you but I don't think that I could name every animal in one day. So therefore I had to agree that my views were not only wrong but unbiblical! Gee golly wiz!
But then I started thinking that this Pastor Stew fella is one of those La Tinos that I have heard about on the TeeVee. If that is true than he may be a Commie like that guy from Venezuela that needs to be taken out. I might be an idiot Pastor Stew, but I ain't no Commie! So I think that I might still be preachin' what I think is right because I know that Jesus wants me and the Good Ol' U.S. of A. to be a Pro-Guns, Anti-Gay country. You can take all your fancy academics and give it back to that Liberal Satan whence it game, thus says the Lord! God Bless America... and no one else!