Pat Robertson... The Interview

Note: This interview was delayed a few weeks after Mr. Robertson was trying to kiss ass after making another bonehead comment.

Pastor Stew: Hello there Mr. Robertson. How are you today?

Pat Robertson: Please call me Pat... High Priest of the Most High.

PS: Ok... Pat.

PR: No, it's Pat: High Priest of the Most High.

PS: Anyway, do you wish to comment on what you said about Israel Prime Minister Ariel Sharon?

PR: I don't understand what the big deal is. Israel has had people telling them that they were being punished all the time for disobeying God. I say one in critique of Mr. Sharon and they all start bashing on me. It's not very fair.

PS: Well Pat, I think the problem is that those people you speak about were prophets.

PR: I rest my case.

PS: Are you saying you are a prophet?

PR: Yes and no.

PS: How so?

PR: Well I told you before that my name is Pat: High Priest of the Most High. In fact, it is now my legal name. Here's my driver's license.

PS: That's great. I think I am scared of you now.

PR: That's good for the Bible says that fear is the beginning to the knowledge of God.

PS: Um... I think that might be out of context.

PR: Here we go again about that context thing you always bring up. When God gave the real Bible to King James, one of the wise men, that God intended us Americans to be His people. That's why we got to get the gays and the Latinos out of Dodge so that we can prevent that book of Revelations stuff.

PS: You think homosexuals and Latinos are the cause of evil in this world? I think that is absurd.

PR: Well did you see George Lopez the other night? There he is all "high and mighty" on stage making fun of sweet, little ol' Jessica Simpson. You know she is the daughter of a pastor don't you? Anyways, sweet Jessica Simpson, Good God Almighty! There is a girl who is using her faith to reach people. I completely support her in her decision to dump her husband. I just love her to pieces. That is why I put up her posters in my office and all over the 700 Club and even in my bedroom. I am a huge fan!

PS: I think you are a pervert.

PR: You are a sick man! Just because I support a fellow Christian who happens to have a great rack with legs that go up to Heaven itself and I am the pervert? No, Pastor Stew, You are the pervert! You are just like George Lopez, jealous that the people of God have dibs on Miss Simpson and not you evil, burrito eating Latinos!

PS: ...

PR: Oh speechless are we? I thought so.

PS: ... So you are sorry for saying that Mr. Sharon was given the stroke by God for trying to bring peace to Israel and Palestine?

PR: What kind of name is Ariel anyways? Is he the Little Mermaid now? You know that cartoon was pretty cute, but she was no Jessica Simpson. Have I said how I am her number one fan?

PS: Are you drooling?

PR: Huh? What? Oh I am sorry. I must have had one of those thank ya Jesus moments?

PS: I bet. Well thanks for your time. I hope that everything goes well for you in the future?

PR: Oh it will, singing, as long as I have Jessica, my sweet, sweet Jessica.

PS: Your sick!