Well, unless you live under a rock or are in dire need of a television, everyone knows that V-Day is a couple days away. Even though VD can lead to uncomfortable feelings such as vomiting, itchy rash as well as long term debt, the simple truth is that one can simply say the three magic words without denting the bank account. Ladies it is simple... SEX. It's free and we like it. All Ladies should stop reading at this point.
However, for the sucker... er... male, the challenge is ever present. With the cost of a dozen roses fetching at least 50 bucks, not to mention the $5 dollar card, $100 dinner and the $20 heart-shaped box of chocolates. That's about $200 dollars and we have not even thought about a present. How is a fella to survive? Well here is a sure fire method on how to show the romance without shelling out the cash.
First off, forget the roses. What a waste of money! All they do is die (by the way this is a great line to drop to her, "Honey, I did not get you roses because I wanted the symbol of our love to be something that never dies"). In fact drop everything that is traditional. Tradition = $$$$, remember that.
OK, this is how we are going to do this. The theme for this year is going to focus on the cheap puppy dog love of childhood. First assure your lady friend that you have VD all taken care of. Tell her that it is going to be a special day (and since you are saving cash it is very special). Now you have to spring into action. You will need the following items in order to pull this off.
Equipment:
Kids Valentine's Cards - We all had these as kids. These are the cheesy Scooby-Do/G.I. Joe cards that had crappy sayings like "I like you more than a scooby snack." Anyways, a box of 20 of these gems are waiting at any store for about a buck. You could give your date 20 cards for cheaper than any Hallmark. If you happen to have access to a younger cousin, sibling or a niece/nephew then you can "borrow" one for free.
Sweethearts Candy - Again you can find these almost anywhere and they are cheap. What is even better, you can open the box and spread the wealth throughout the entire day by placing a few here and there.
One Package of Lifesavers - I'll explain latter. Let's just say that it adds that certain sparkle to the evening.
One Shoelace - See above.
A Clump of Dandelions - Cheap flowers... FREE flowers. Include at least one puff ball in the "arrangement."
Two Happy Meals - Ok, I know, but we have to splurge somewhere. If you can't handle the $5 dollars then you probably do not have a date for Valentine's Day anyway.
The Plan:
Well looking at the calendar, you only have a day. Fortunately most of the equipment can be found in one place so that makes it even easier. You first objective is to drop as many hints as possible the day before about how special Valentine's Day is and how you cannot wait to surprise her with the day you have planed... for at least a month. That way she will think that you took effort into this day and will guarantee you at least some form of sympathy if she was expecting Lobster and Diamonds. Make sure to stick with the theme of reminding her about how your relationship reminds you of puppy love and how when you are with her you feel like a kid because you still get goose bumps when you see her or that your stomach cramps up with butterflies, crap like that.
Step One - Take one of your Valentine's cards and write the introduction that will set up the day's theme. Make sure to throw in the idea that you wished you met in kindergarten or something like that (if you actually did... bonus!). Sweeten the deal with some of those Sweethearts. Make sure to try at least one to make sure they are not poison!
Step Two - Write old cliches on the remaining cards and place them in the provided envelopes with candy. Label the cards with various "pet names" that you have with your lady, like "honeybuns." Place these in various locations that she will see them through out the day. If you can sneak a few in at her work that will be great because then she can show of how creative you are to her co-workers for added points.
Step Three - Take the shoelace and string it through a Lifesaver. Make sure to pick the color that you think she will like best. This serves three purposes. One, this is a play on an old commercial that we grew up with which helps on the nostalgia aspect. Two, the popular jewelry piece this year is the diamond circle pendant so she will think that you are up with what is hot. Three, girls have a psychological condition that every circle she sees brings up the notion of ring. Ring = (insert what ever you desire).
Step Four - Pull out of ground fresh dandelions. Kids think dandelions are flowers and let's face it, so do guys.
Step Five - Pick up dinner. You don't even have to leave your car! Make sure that you give her the best toy. Can you say free toy?!?
Step Six - Present "gifts."
Step Seven - Come and get it! WINK ;)
I hope this helps you guys out there to save some cash this year. The cheapest option is to dump her for a day and then "realize" that you can't live without her or pretend to be sick but these can backfire in your face so play it cool.
