My Hero, My Cult

This week is a difficult one for me. As most of you know, my hero, Warren Steed Jeffs, was arrested this week. Mr. Jeffs is the greatest cult leader of all time. Sure David Koresh and Jim Jones went down in a blaze of glory with mass suicide/murder but how many cult leaders can live the true dream of having 40 wives and 60 some odd children? The best part about Mr. Jeffs is that in the midst of a polygamy, statutory rape and underage marriage he still found time to promote Republican politics. I for one find it comforting that such Godly people such as Mr. Jeffs support the family value, Right-Wing party that currently lifts our country to one of the highest levels of bigotry, ignorance and classism we have ever witnessed. My question for you to discuss is why are there little or no Liberal cult leaders out there? I guess it is my job to start a cult where we support the freedom of moral decision, social justice, equality and peace. I guess I could travel the country recruiting young families to support my cause as we attempt to form our own little kingdom separate from the world and at the same time in this world. That would be totally cool. I think I could get about a billion people to join. I am going to start this right now. What? You mean this Liberal cult already exists? Who? Jesus started this cult 2,000 years ago? Crap! Jesus ruins everything!

Point - Counter Point: Immigration

Immigrating to This Country Was the Most Difficult Thing I Have Ever Done.
By Julio Fernandez

Well, they say the third time is the charm. Perhaps it was the small trailer that 57 of us crammed into for $1,000 a piece, or the smell our refuse as we traveled non-stop for three days, but the third time was rather forgettable seeing that we got caught a mile or so past the boarder. Now the 8th time was truly a pleasant experience as my wife and three children finally made it across into this terrific country of opportunity. Sure it was difficult living in an apartment with two other families as I tried to find what ever work I could. My family did small jobs while I worked as many hours as I could for a few dollars a week. The money that my wife brought in from collecting cans and bottles afforded us the finer things in life like shoes. Eventually I have caught on working for a contractor who pays us about $7 an hour with no insurance or benefits of any kind, but it is work. Since we lived in the fields of my country, far from any hospitals, my children did not have the benefit of having birth certificates so they could not receive health care or education back home. Here they get to go to school and my hope is that they will have a better life than I when it is all said and done. Sure it was hard work to get here but it was worth the hiding in the desert, the miles of walking and the dark nights thinking that we were not going to make it. I guess when one has nothing to lose and only hope in their hearts they can do the impossible.

Immigrating to This Country Was the Easiest Thing I Ever Did.
By Seamus MacDonald
When I came her in '28 I was still just a wee lad. I remember it like it was yesterday. Pa came home and told us that we were moving to America. This was joyous news as we had already sent off Uncle Paul and his family two years before. I remember the excitement when Ma opened the first letter and there was $10 dollars in the envelope! I had never seen so much money in me life! Anywho we packed up our suitcases and boarded a ship to America. The trip seemed to take forever but when we finally saw the great Lady Liberty we were amazed at our new home. All we had to do was wait in line at this old island were we registered our name and former home. Just like that we were American Citizens with all the glorious benefits of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit o' happiness! Pa got a job in the mines in no time at all and it was enough money to keep Ma at home and food in me belly. Besides we didn't have to bow down to no monarchy! Sure the depression was hard on all of us but we still found work and now that I am retired I get most of me bills paid when I see the doctor about me prostate. It's a bloody shame that these illegal immigrants keep trying to come into this country. Don't they know that the sign says "No Vacancy?"